For any of you who don’t already know, let me get this off my chest (so to speak): I had breast reduction surgery eight years ago. The surgeon said at the time that I should still be able to breastfeed afterwards, but I was only 21 and didn’t even know if I ever wanted kids, so I didn’t give breastfeeding much thought. I had no idea how important it would be to me to be able to nurse my child. Now, here I am trying to feed my son with my gimpy, post-reduction breasts and I definitely have regrets. I am producing milk and am able to nurse him, but I’m not making nearly enough for him.

In the hospital, he lost too much weight in his first two days of life, so we had to start supplementing with formula. His weight has been checked a few times since we left the hospital, and it is just barely going up, more like holding steady really. This means that he is getting even less milk from me than we thought and needs to increase his formula supplementation even more.

So, at every nursing session, I also give him formula either with a syringe and feeding tube that I sneak into the corner of his mouth while he is at the breast or with a bottle. It makes the feedings much more work than they would be if I could just exclusively breastfeed like a normal person, and it makes me feel sad and guilty that I ever had that surgery. I just keep telling myself that I can’t undo it now, and beating myself up for having the surgery is pointless. He is still getting benefits of breastfeeding, and I am doing everything I can to get him as much breastmilk and nursing time as possible.

As of yesterday, his weight was still only 6 pounds and 14 ounces. We were hoping that he would be back to his birth weight, 7 pounds and 4 ounces, by the time he was two weeks old, which is tomorrow. Now that we have increased his formula amount, he will likely be there by the end of the week. He should be gaining about an ounce a day at this point. He has his two-week well baby visit on Thursday, and I’ll post after that with a weight update.