We have taken Falco lots of places, but they are always quick trips that involve us leaving the house right after feeding him and then getting back home before he is due to eat again. Matt’s parents and brother are in town right now, and today we took Falco downtown to hang out with them. We fed him at 11:30 and then loaded him into his stroller and left as soon as he was finished eating. We rode BART downtown and met Matt’s fam at their hotel. Then we went to Lori’s diner for lunch. We expected Falco to just stay in his stroller, where he was sleeping, through lunch, but there was no room for the stroller where we were seated. So, I took him out of the stroller and put him into the sling and held him there throughout the meal. He stirred a little at first and I was afraid he was going to wake up and start crying, but he rested quietly the whole time. I was very proud of him, and it was a milestone for us to go out to eat for our first full meal with him.

After we ate, Matt’s mom and I went back to their hotel room for a feeding and diaper change. That took 30 or 45 minutes, and then we put him back in his stroller and we all went to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. We were there for an hour or so, and Falco slept through the entire thing. By 4:30, we knew we were pressing our luck since he would wake up hungry again soon, so Matt and I headed home. He kept sleeping through the entire BART ride home and the walk from BART to our house. When we were less than a block away from our house, he woke up and started crying quite loudly to let us know he was hungry, which was perfectly understandable. We fed him as soon as we got in the house, and then he was a happy camper again.

It was a little frightening to plan to take him away from home for such a long time, but we couldn’t have asked for it to go any better. He’s a very good baby, and Matt and I were both very proud of him today.

On Monday I took Falco back to the lactation consultant for a followup. His weight was up to 8 pounds! That’s an 18-ounce gain in a week, which is great news since he needed to get back to his birth weight and then some. She also did another before and after breastfeeding weigh in, and he got twice as much milk from me as he had the week before. It was a much better nursing session than the prior visit, so I’m sure that had the most do with it, but I also think the medication that I started taking along with pumping several times a day is helping to increase my supply. It’s pretty certain that I will always have to supplement with formula, but seeing my supply go up even a little is good news. We’ll go back again after Christmas for another weigh in, and I’m hoping to find out that my supply has gone up even more.

I realized that I haven’t talked much here yet about what it’s like to be a mom and what Falco is like. Matt and I are definitely settling into the role of parents, and I love spending my days (and nights) taking care of this little one. Falco is a really good baby, especially at night. From the first night we came home from the hospital, he has been very good about sleeping in his bassinet. He wakes up every two to three hours to eat, but we can get the feeding done in about a half hour and then he goes back to sleep. Matt is able to sleep through the night uninterrupted, and I generally only have to get up three times at the most.

During the days, Falco really doesn’t get very fussy for the most part. He eats every two to three hours and either goes to sleep or just looks around quietly after eating. He cries if he is hungry and I take too long to get his feeding started or sometimes when he has to have his diaper changed or change clothes. He can get really loud in those cases, but it doesn’t last too long. I was worried that I would hate the sound of him crying or that it would really get on my nerves, but it doesn’t at all. We usually can quiet him down pretty quickly.

Falco loves going out and about, so we take him on at least one walk every day and usually on one other outing like out shopping or to a doctor’s appointment or places like that. He pretty much always goes to sleep in his car seat or the front carrier or the stroller. Yesterday morning we took him in his stroller to a cafe where Matt and I went to get breakfast pretty often while I was pregnant. We were able to sit down and eat breakfast and play cards while Falco slept in his stroller, which was great. We did a lot of going out to eat and playing cards during pregnancy, and we thought that would be over once the baby was born. It was nice to be able to go do something we loved to do as a couple, but this time we got to do it as a family.

Finally, here are more photos of Falco’s first days at home. Just click the image below to go to the gallery.

At one of Falco’s early morning feedings on Wednesday, to celebrate turning two weeks old, his umbilical cord stump fell off! I was happy and excited and more sentimental than I expected when I saw it. I loved seeing his cute little belly button, and it was more monumental than I expected to see the end of the cord that connected us for nine months. I was so sentimental about it in fact that I couldn’t throw away the remnant that fell off. Matt found it on his changing table today and told me it was disgusting and threw it away. He said I might as well keep his first poopy diaper if I wanted to keep his umbilical stump. Leave it to Matt to put things into perspective for me. Speaking of Matt, when he woke up on Wednesday I showed him Falco’s navel and he said that he was practically ready for his own apartment now.

I have an update on Falco’s weight sooner than I expected. I was worried about his umbical cord stump earlier today because it was bleeding a little and smelled kind of bad. I called the doctor’s office and they had us bring him in to have it checked out. It turned out to be fine, but he went ahead and had his two-week checkup while he was there instead of having to go in again on Thursday. Yesterday his weight was 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and today it was already up to 7 pounds! That’s only four ounces away from being back at his birth weight, which is very good news. Of course, it is sad for me that we had to double the amount of formula he was getting to get him there, but what’s important is that he is doing well and gaining like he should.

On another note, he has already grown 1-1/2 inches in length! I bet he’ll be outgrowing his newborn clothes in just a couple of weeks, which is fine because he only has a couple little outfits. He has lots more clothes in 0-3 month sizes, so he’ll be more fashionable when he gets big enough to wear those.

Tomorrow we go to an appointment with a midwife to talk about the possibility of my taking a prescription drug to increase my milk supply. I’m already taking an herbal supplement that doesn’t seem to be doing anything, so I wonder if there’s really any hope for me. We’ll see…

For any of you who don’t already know, let me get this off my chest (so to speak): I had breast reduction surgery eight years ago. The surgeon said at the time that I should still be able to breastfeed afterwards, but I was only 21 and didn’t even know if I ever wanted kids, so I didn’t give breastfeeding much thought. I had no idea how important it would be to me to be able to nurse my child. Now, here I am trying to feed my son with my gimpy, post-reduction breasts and I definitely have regrets. I am producing milk and am able to nurse him, but I’m not making nearly enough for him.

In the hospital, he lost too much weight in his first two days of life, so we had to start supplementing with formula. His weight has been checked a few times since we left the hospital, and it is just barely going up, more like holding steady really. This means that he is getting even less milk from me than we thought and needs to increase his formula supplementation even more.

So, at every nursing session, I also give him formula either with a syringe and feeding tube that I sneak into the corner of his mouth while he is at the breast or with a bottle. It makes the feedings much more work than they would be if I could just exclusively breastfeed like a normal person, and it makes me feel sad and guilty that I ever had that surgery. I just keep telling myself that I can’t undo it now, and beating myself up for having the surgery is pointless. He is still getting benefits of breastfeeding, and I am doing everything I can to get him as much breastmilk and nursing time as possible.

As of yesterday, his weight was still only 6 pounds and 14 ounces. We were hoping that he would be back to his birth weight, 7 pounds and 4 ounces, by the time he was two weeks old, which is tomorrow. Now that we have increased his formula amount, he will likely be there by the end of the week. He should be gaining about an ounce a day at this point. He has his two-week well baby visit on Thursday, and I’ll post after that with a weight update.

I didn’t think it would take me over a week to get a chance to write my birth story, but Mr. Falco doesn’t allow for much blogging at this point. Let me warn my dear readers that this is the whole story with all the details, so be ready for a very long post with a lot of female information. To see the photos that go along with this story, check out Matt’s blog.

Here goes…

I woke up on Tuesday, 11/28, at about 4:00 a.m. with what felt like menstrual cramps that would come and go every few minutes. I went to the bathroom and had a good bit of spotting that I now know was bloody show. I got back to sleep from about 5 to 6. Then Matt and I woke up to get ready for the nonstress test we had at 8:30 to check on the baby since he was overdue. When Matt woke up I told him I thought I might be in early labor, and we figured we would find out for sure when we got on the monitors. When I got up from bed again, there was more spotting and the contractions were still going on, but I could easily talk through them.

We got to the testing center and first had an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid level. Two different nurses measured the fluid level and determined that it was borderline low. (The level was 6.5 and anything below 5 is low.) We were then hooked up to two monitors, one to measure the baby’s heartrate and one to measure my contractions. The contractions were about five minutes apart and only very slightly painful. (The nurses said they could tell by how I was handling them that they weren’t real labor contractions, which I couldn’t understand until later in the day.) The baby’s heart rate was staying steady at 120 and he wasn’t active at all. During contractions, his heart rate would very slightly drop, which was worrisome because it should have increased instead. They used a vibrating buzzer to try to wake him up and get him moving, but he seemed to be sleeping and just wouldn’t get active.

So, based on my amniotic fluid index, his inactivity, and his heart rate dips during contractions, the doctor decided that I needed to go to labor and delivery for further monitoring to decide if I should be admitted. Before I left the testing center, the nurse checked my cervix and said that it was soft and I was one centimeter dilated, the same as I had been at my appointment two weeks earlier. During that exam, there was a good bit more bloody show and the nurse seemed surprised by it.

Matt and I had not brought our bags or even eaten breakfast because we felt sure that I was in such early labor that we would be sent home to labor for a while before needing to go the hospital. We were told to go straight to the birth center from the testing center and that we couldn’t go home first to get our things. We walked across the street and on the way grabbed gigantic pastries from the coffee cart and ate them as quickly as we could before getting to labor and delivery.

When we got to the birth center, they put us into a small triage room for more monitoring so that they could assess whether or not I should be admitted. This room had two small cots divided by a curtain, and there was another lady on the other side of the curtain. After being monitored for a while there and having the same results as in the testing center, a resident doctor came in to talk to us. She said that based on all the findings from the monitoring and the amniotic fluid index, the best course of action was to admit me. She said that early labor can go on for days sometimes so they would likely do some form of induction to augment my labor. She then did another cervical exam and said that I was more like 1-1/2 centimeters dilated.

Next, a nurse came in and moved us to a temporary room because all the labor and delivery suites were full. She said that it should just be a couple of hours before we would get our own suite, but we were placed in a postpartum room until then. At least this room was a little bigger and had a TV and was private. I was reconnected to the monitors and the nurse placed an IV catheter. She had to stick me twice, but it was no big deal. I have found that after all my blood tests after the miscarriage and then during this pregnancy, I’m not really squeamish about needles anymore.

By this point it was around 12 or 1:00. A new nurse came in and said that she was assigned to me. She said that the baby had become more active and now looked much better on the monitors. She said that my contractions were steady at 3 to 5 minutes apart and that they were discussing doing a Foley catheter bulb along with pitocin for my induction. I expressed my concern about pitocin because I didn’t want an epidural and worried that pitocin would make the contractions more painful. The nurse said that she would try to campaign for me to not have the pitocin because I was contracting well on my own but that it would be up to the doctor. She also said that pitocin has a bad rap for making contractions more painful but that actually it is the same hormone that my body is already producing. She said not to be afraid of it.

A little later, a doctor and a very sweet third year medical student, Jeanna, came in to talk to me about the induction. They explained what it would entail and said they would be back shortly to check my cervix and start the induction. We decided we had better eat lunch, so Matt went across the street and brought back burritos. My pain level wasn’t too bad at this point, but I didn’t have a very good appetite.

After waiting a while more for the doctor to come back, it was after 3:00 and we still hadn’t been moved to a suite and Matt hadn’t gone to get our bags. He decided to go ahead and go home because I really wanted my own nightgown instead of the hospital gown and all the other stuff we had packed for labor. It took him a while to get home and back because of traffic, and it was a little lonely and sad to be there by myself while he was gone. I kept waiting and waiting for the doctor to come back for the induction, and the nurse said they were so busy that it was taking a while for them to get to me. She said it was a good thing because it gave me more time to labor on my own and maybe not need the induction measures at all.

Around 4 or 4:30 they finally came back in to check me and see about inserting the Foley catheter. Matt still wasn’t back yet, but the procedure wasn’t painful or anything so it was OK to be by myself. The doctor checked my cervix and said I was still about one centimeter but that my cervix was very soft. Apparently my cervix was in a position that made it really easy to insert the catheter, so she asked the nurse to give it to her so she could place it. They said that when I got to be three centimeters dilated the catheter would fall out.

Just before Matt got back, I think around 5:00, the nurse came in to start the pitocin. She said she was starting it at a very low dose and that it would take an hour or so for me to feel it at all. Within just a few minutes, my contractions got way, way stronger and more painful and closer together. I was very frustrated because we still hadn’t been moved to a suite and I was stuck on constant monitors so couldn’t get up very easily. They had wireless monitors in the suites that would have allowed me to move around freely and even get into the tub while being monitored, but in the temporary room I couldn’t even get to the bathroom on my own and was stuck in the bed.

When Matt got back at around 5:00, we tried to start doing some of our planned tricks for easing labor pain. We tried playing cards as a distraction, but the contractions were too painful and close together at that point for me to concentrate. I did manage to get out of bed as long as I stayed close enough for the cables to reach the monitor. I tried a few different positions for the contractions like bending over the bed or table, but no position really seemed to help. I got back into bed and lied on my left side. Through each contraction I moaned through it and clenched the rail of the bed. I tried to relax my body but it was so hard because they were so painful.

By about 7:00, I had been having very hard labor for about two hours and the contractions were very intense and right on top of each other. I was very confused about how labor could be so intense if I wasn’t even three centimeters dilated yet, which I assumed to be the case because the catheter still hadn’t fallen out. I started talking about wanting an epidural because the pain was almost constant and I knew there was no way I could bear it for hours more if I wasn’t even really in active labor yet. I told Matt that when the contractions came I felt like I was going to die; that’s how intense the pain was.

The nurses’ shift changed at 7:00, and a new nurse, Sarah, came in. She said that we were going to be moved to a labor room soon, but they had been saying that for the past seven hours. Anyway, I told Sarah that I was pretty sure at this point that I wanted the epidural. She helped me to the bathroom and pulled on the catheter and it still didn’t come out. She also checked my bleeding and said that it looked like I had an amniotic fluid leak and that meconium might be present in the fluid. She helped me back to bed and talked about pain relief options. We decided that I would try a half dose of Fentanyl, an IV narcotic, to help ease the pain until we got into the labor suite. Just before she gave it to me, we found out our room was ready. She moved me in a wheelchair and Matt carried our stuff to our new room.

As soon as we got to the suite, she gave me the Fentanyl. It made me feel kind of like I had been drinking and more relaxed. I thought at first that it helped considerably with the pain, but that was because the pitocin had been turned off during the move. When she turned it back on, the contractions came back in full force. Over the next hour I got two more half doses of Fentanyl while we talked about whether or not I was sure I wanted the epidural. She was able to pull out the Foley catheter during that hour, so I knew I was at least three centimeters dilated. That wasn’t that comforting though because I thought I still had a long way to go. I finally said I was sure I wanted the epidural, and the anesthesiologist came in and was getting set up.

Before they could administer the epidural, a doctor needed to check my cervix to see how far along I was. A doctor finally came in, and I was in disbelief when I heard her say, “Well, there’s still a little anterior lip, so I would say she is nine, almost complete.” I was shocked and thrilled to hear that in the past four hours or so I had gone from one centimeter to almost ready to push! Of course I declined the epidural at that point and felt so proud that I had made it through labor. That doctor broke my bag of water (the leak earlier was very small the bag was still basically intact). It felt like a huge gush when she did that, and they said that there was meconium in the fluid. That meant that pediatricians would need to be there to examine the baby immediately after birth to make sure he was OK.

I think another hour or so passed before it was time to push. During that time, I barely had a break at all between contractions and felt a lot of pressure like I needed to push and was all around miserable. They were telling me to wait to start pushing, but eventually my body was starting to push on its own. Through all this, Sarah was really awesome and supportive. She could see that I couldn’t wait any longer and said we had to get me started pushing.

I lied on my back and Sarah held up one of my legs and Matt held the other. When a contraction came, I curled my body around my belly and pushed with all of my might for about ten seconds three times in a row. As soon as the pushing started, the pain was really gone. I just felt an incredibly overwhelming urge to push, but the pushing didn’t hurt. Unbelievably, the pushing lasted for at least two hours. I have never been so exhausted in all my life, and it took all my strength and then some to keep it up. Matt said that in between contractions I would kind of pass out and he could see my eyes moving back and forth like I was in REM sleep. I just remember closing my eyes and panting between contractions and Matt keeping an ice cold washcloth on my face that felt so good.

Eventually, after all that hard work, I finally pushed baby Falco out. My first words were, “He’s so tiny!” They took him immediately to the pediatricians to have all the fluid sucked out of his mouth and nose and for his exam. Matt went over to him and I could hear Falco crying. The doctors said he looked great and said his weight was 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t really focus on my joy because I could hear the doctors still working on me talking about bleeding. I guess I was having more bleeding than expected after delivery, and they were trying to get my uterus to contract down and make sure there wasn’t a tear in my cervix. One doctor in particular was being really rough about rubbing my belly to get my uterus to contract, and that was very painful. I was lying there moaning through this part because it was really uncomfortable. The bleeding stopped fairly quickly though, and I heard them say that my cervix was intact. I had a second degree tear that had to be repaired, and that was quite uncomfortable as well. They used lidocaine, but again that doctor seemed to be very rough about everything she did and there was a lot of pressure and pulling and more rough massaging of my belly. All that lasted about thirty minutes, and Matt held Falco during that time. It made me so happy to see him in Matt’s arms.

After my suturing was done, I finally got to hold my son and nurse him for the first time. It took us a few minutes to get the hang of it, but with Sarah’s help he latched on and nursed like a champ. It was so surreal to finally hold my baby boy, and he was unbelievably beautiful. His birth was the happiest and proudest moment of my life, and I am moved to tears every time I remember the experience. There was a lot of pain involved, but I would go through it a thousand more times because he is so worth it.

I’ve been working on writing my birth story, but it’s long and I can only write a few minutes here and there. In the meantime, here are some cute photos of our little family. Things are calming down a little now, so hopefully I’ll start writing regularly again soon. Right now I’m typing this with one hand while I nurse Falco!

Sorry for taking so long to update here, but I have been overwhelmed with the joy and hard work of taking care of our newborn boy! The full story will follow soon, but for now here are the basics: Falco Judah Gleeson was born at 12:43 a.m. on November 29. He weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 19-1/2 inches long. Mom, dad, and baby are all doing fine.